24 Now Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” 26 A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” 28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed;blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
I love this story because I feel like Thomas sometimes. Most of the time when I’m walking with Jesus, it’s not too hard. We go walking along and I talk with Jesus and I hear what he’s telling me and life is pretty good.
There are times, though, when Jesus seems so far away. When that feeling goes on for a long period of time or when I’m feeling particularly depressed or when the headaches are particularly bad, I start to doubt. I know, I’ve been a believer since at least age 10. How could I doubt something that’s been such a deep part of me?
I don’t know. But, when I get down, doubts of all kinds overwhelm me. I wonder why my husband is still with me. I wonder why I’m still alive. All kinds of crazy things. So, of course, I start to doubt about God’s love, his existence, and Jesus’ death and resurrection.
If I had been one of the disciples, I would have been like Thomas. “Show me.” Not out of orneriness, but out of a need for certainty. And because I so easily doubt.
But, Jesus always comes through for me. Even when I doubt. I’m learning to walk through the darkness. Take a deep breath and take the next step. Yes, I’m afraid. Take another step. No, I don’t know what’s there. Take another step. I don’t need to see where I’m going because I know that Jesus has already been there. And another step.
Doubting Thomas, doubting me. Jesus loves us both. And he’s right there. Don’t doubt, just take the next step.